I don't have much to say about this movie. I was
in a distracted state (waiting for a pizza that never arrived), but I don't
think it would have mattered. The beginning was fun and intriguing,
but before the halfway mark it turned sour.
The director chose his opening shots well, whether they were
in a scene at the beginning of the movie, or even at the end. It
looks like this movie was made for commercials, because there were many
breaks that switched to a completely new scene in a commercial-like manner.
The shots that I am talking about were the pans across the water, as if
we were in a glider, moving towards the ships, or islands. And the
music was great, too. It was made to get the blood moving.
And right from the first scene, where Morgan gets up from sleeping
with a man who wants to capture and kill her, tricking him and running
from his building. She is summoned by her father, who has been taken
captive by his evil brother, Dawg.
It turns out that Morgan's grandfather discovered (or stashed?)
a treasure on an island, and split the map up into three parts, given to
the three brothers. I believe that Dawg finally decided that he had
enough strength to retrieve the other two parts of the map, and claim the
treasure for himself.
Morgan rescues her father, who dies, but gives her his part of
the map, which was tattooed on his scalp! She takes control of her
father's ship (leaving some hurt feelings behind, but she's a pirate, and
so expects to be obeyed). But she needs someone who speaks Latin,
to translate the map. She buys a slave, who was a thief, and ends
up being recognized. They have to run for their lives, in a ridiculous,
but mostly fun chase scene. They really should have edited out the
part where her carriage races beneath a balcony, and she has time to crash
through a window, gape at the party she is disturbing, run through several
rooms, and crash through another window to fall back into the carriage.
Some of the dialogue seems to be made for a tongue-in-cheek comedy.
Morgan takes her ship to get the second part of the map, from
her other uncle, and they are all ambushed by Dawg. This brawl scene
is well done, and although her uncle is killed, he inadvertently showed
the Latin-speaker where his part of the map was. After another big
chase scene, where they leave their mark on yet another town, they get
to their ship.
After which follows a schooner chase scene, through islands and
storms. This is rather slow, but it gives Morgan and her Latin-speaking
friend time to make out. But he betrays her, and tries to discover
where the island is, obviously with the intent to find the treasure for
himself. Of course, Morgan knew that he had the map, and that is
why she made out with him -looking in his clothes, apparently, for it.
She orders her ship towards the island, but her opponents mutiny.
They are kind enough, though, to let her and her followers off in a longboat.
They drift off until they hit land, of course, on the right island.
How they know it is Cutthroat island is beyond me. The Latin-speaker
also escapes, and jumps off the ship. Somehow, he also manages to
reach the island, and he seems to have somehow acquired Dawg's piece of
the map, too! (Maybe in the brawl.)
So they follow the map to a cliff, then down the cliff to a cave,
where they find the treasure. But, of course, Dawg has also found
the island, and sets out to find Morgan.
The rest of the movie was quite dull, except for the final pirate
fight. Suffice it to say that Morgan hauls the treasure up the cliff,
gets captured by Dawg, jumps off the cliff into the water, and climbs up
onto her old ship by the anchor, taking it over when they are underway.
Dawg seems to have made a deal with the governor, and thinks
he controls the two ships. He also has her Latin-lover as a prisoner.
When he discovers that she has taken over the other ship, he tempts her
with the man she loves (even though she threatened to kill him before they
were thrown off her ship), and what follows is a terrific cannon fight
between the two ships.
The sword fight that followed after the ships were boarded was
less interesting. The people who needed to die died, and Morgan gets
to fight Dawg, who offers her almost the exact same lines that Darth Vader
offered Luke Skywalker in The Empire Strikes
Back! I couldn't believe it!
She gets thrown to the ground, but manages to load and camouflage
a cannon before her uncle gets back off the mast. When she uncovers
it to show him, he does what every person would do in that situation- he
stands still so that she can shoot him with the cannonball, off the ship,
for everybody to see. By then, of course, all her crew is watching
from the side of their ship, because the enemy crew has disappeared.
Her last line to her uncle was "bad Dawg!" I couldn't believe I heard
She blows up the other ship, but not before attaching a buoy
to the treasure so that it will float when the ship that encompasses it
sinks (I don't know how this would work, since the sinking boat's hold
was not blown to bits like some other parts of the ship). There is
another humorous scene where her Latin-lover is trapped beneath the treasure,
and is about to drown, like when Jack Dawson was handcuffed in Titanic!
Obviously unintentional (since this movie came out way before that one
did), but just as poorly done as that one.
They don't get to sail off into the sunset, but they are about
to head across the Atlantic to Madagascar, where they can spend their loot.
As a final command before setting off, she orders her Latin-speaking friend
into her quarters!
The first half was interesting, and set an interesting tone,
but was still silly. I was able to overcome the silliness, though,
because the setup and directing was alright. About halfway through,
something happened, and the whole movie fell apart. The dialogue
changed, the action was less interesting, and the logic was absurd.
I have to rate this one towards the top end of one star, but
cannot justify giving it two.